Functional group chemistry is based on alkanes. This provides a pedagogical imperative for their characterization which complements the economic imperative of heavy alkane (“heavies”) characterization. Amongst the spectroscopic methods, mass spectrometry has been connected particularly strongly to the petroleum industry, specifically to the analysis of hydrocarbon cracking products (Fisher et al., Anal. Chem. 1975, 47, 59). The first commercial mass spectrometers were used for this purpose and the influential method of chemical ionization and much early fundamental ion/molecule chemistry was developed by petroleum scientists (Field et al., J. Am. Chem. Soc. 1956, 5697; and Field et al., J. Am. Chem. Soc. 1957, 79, 2419). More recently, high resolution ion cyclotron resonance mass spectrometry (MS) has been applied to help elucidate the remarkable complexity of petroleum-derived materials using Kendrick mass defects to organize in a compact fashion the various functional group constituents of petroleum-derived samples (Qian et al., Energ. Fuel. 2001, 15, 492). Two groups of petroleum-derived compounds, the asphaltenes and the waxes, however, still provide particular difficulties in detailed characterization by MS and other methods (Pinkston et al., Energy Fuels 2009, 23, 5564; and Pomerantz et al., J. Am. Chem. Soc. 2008, 130, 7216).